Methlehem

by Cribshitter

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  • Compact Disc (CD)

    An honest-to-Pete compact disc with original cover art by Jonny Fibers. You can hold it in your hand, or chuck it off a bank tower.

    Includes immediate download of 26-track album in the high-quality format of your choice (MP3, FLAC, and more), plus unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.
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  • Immediate download of 26-track album in the high-quality format of your choice (MP3, FLAC, and more), plus unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.

    **TAKE AN EXCLUSIVE PEEK BEHIND THE TURD CURTAIN....DIGITAL ALBUM DOWNLOAD INCLUDES THE FOLLOWING EXCLUSIVE BANDCAMP-ONLY EASTER EGGZ:
    - 2 EXCLUSIVE BONUS TRACKS that did not make the original release ("Sign My Cast" and "Norah Jones Fired Her Drummer")
    - 3 alternate versions of the cover art by comic book artist Johnny Fibers
    - Inside & back cover artwork
    - Tons of band photos including "the early years"
    - Cribshitter stage plot (unpublished until now!)
    - 2 exclusive Cribshitter show posters
    - Cribshitter "The Smart Choice" billboard mockup
    - Official Cribshitter postcard
    - Angels meet the band illustration
    ... more

     $6 USD  or more

     

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about

All songs recorded & mixed by
Klobba Traxx at The Orthtenson Ranch

credits

released 13 December 2011

Cribshitter is:
Diaper Daniels - guitars, singing, keys, many things
Danika - tuba, singing
Don Rubbish - bass, singing
Count Bassy - bass, singing
The Fucking Lion - drums
Spice Rack - guitar

With help from:
Rusty Cottonmouth - Pedal steel
William Arthur - vocals “On the Mend”
Cover art by Johnny Fibers
Recorded/mixed in 2011 by KlobbaTraxx at the Orthtenson Ranch
All songs by Cribshitter 2011 Medicated G Records

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license

all rights reserved

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Track Name: Boom Goes the Vaginamite
I got 4 days left to wipe mi culo with this piece of legislation
I got 3 days left before they pull my frequent flyer priviligations
I got 2 days until my girl leaves me high and dry in a Speedo
I got 1 day left to keep it really really really really real.

Boy you gotta get your mind right
Boy you gotta get your mind right
Boy you gotta get your mind right
Boy you gotta get your mind right
Boy you gotta get your mind right
Cuz boom goes the Vaginamite

I got sick on riverboat casino in East St. Louis
I think it was the pills I took mixing with the canned oxygen
Either that or the poor arch support that town is always known for
So I tried to get the barkeep to mix me up a Dr. Scholls and soda

I got caught stealing urinal cakes from the Bathroom of the Fallen
I ended up dropping one in my good friend's Tom Collins
I woke that morning with a brand spankin' new wave runner
But I dropped it off 4 years later to its sad rightful owner

Chorus

I rolled back to the Cam with my headphones on and my Discman
But the bartender noticed that my headphone cord was just danglin'
He threw me out on the street, I couldn't find a way to pardon him
So I grabbed a bag of trash and tossed it in the crowded beer garden

Chorus
Track Name: Full-Time Lover
I need a lover (a full-time lover)
Who will make me want to stay.
I need a trainer (not a part-time entertainer)
Who will show me different ways.
Now off with your clothes and such
Cuz you got someone who knows your clutch (it's kinda soft).

I need a father (a hunter and a gatherer)
Who provides for all of us.
The Cliffs of Dover (not that Eric Johnson wanker)
Was it really worth the fuss?
But a wedding is a wedding they say
Irregardless of that sea salt spray.

I need a lover,
Not a den-guarding mother
I need a father,
Not a Rorschach Blotter

Methlehem, you're my little Methlehem
Methlehem, you're my little Methlehem
Track Name: Cheese Garden
I suppose you want to know who sent me?
Track Name: On The Mend (feat. William Arthur)
You make the most of yourself.
It's a typical response to a lack of wealth.
You've got to hang on till the end.
Cuz you are on the mend.

You've got to strive for your best.
There's a reason you're alive, you gotta pound your chest.
There's no time to pretend.
Cuz you are on the mend.
Track Name: You Survived (The Time)
There once was a time...to survive.
You wanted more...then came out alive
You took more than you could keep you alive.

There once was a time...you and I.
I'll never forget the day you were mine.
Because you survived.
You survived The Time.
Track Name: Cool to the Touch
You see her standing, she is demanding
Talking down with her pants suit on
She's overloaded, and underpaid
She needs a night out to have her way
She's on a mission, her one condition:
Is to get hella laid

Because she's cool to the touch...and hot in crotch
She's cool to the touch.
So soft to the munch.

You take her dancin', steady romancin'.
Watch her abs as she grinds to the floor
She rides your thigh bone, crushes your cell phone
Forget the sextin' let's do this right
She says she's thirsty, I'll ask the barkeep
For one drink to be made:
I'll have a crotch on the rocks
And a bagel with lox
She was hungry for brunch
How about a moose knuckle punch?

Because she's cool to the touch...and hot in crotch
She's cool to the touch.
So soft to the munch.
Track Name: Come With Me Lord
Here I am Lord. Come with me Lord.
Here I am in the middle of the "Crossroads of the Line."
Here I am Lord. Come with me Lord.
Why don't you take me away to that special place in your heart?

Here I am Lord. Come with me Lord.
Here I am in the middle of the "Crossroads of the Line."
Here I am Lord. Come with me Lord.
Why don't you sing me the Ancient Song of the Bamboo Bridge?
Track Name: It'll Take a Skilled Hand
I'll take a skilled hand to make it work
I'll give it all I got but I can't promise

I'll take a school girl, livin' in a skilled world

It'll take a school girl, and a ribbon clerk
To right the wrongs of Mr. Clarence Thomas

I'll take a school girl,
Gonna take a school girl to make it right.
Cribshittin' and we're happy happy tonight.

Gonna take a school girl
Coming from a skilled world tonight
Gonna take a school girl
She's my school girl tonight
Gonna take a school girl
Coming from a skilled world tonight
Gonna take a school girl
Cribshitter on the,
Tough shitter on the,
Hit misser on the,
School girl...whoa...school girl tonight-aahhhh..
It's gonna take a school tonight.
Gonna take a school girl...
Cribshitter on the,
Tough hitter on the school school shitter tonight.
School shitter on the, tough hitter on the,
School girl shitter tonight.
Track Name: A Time of Understanding
This is a time of understanding
A time to take your brother's hand
Although this flight will be demanding
Let's set our sights for the Motherland
I know it's not quite what you planned
The Sands of Time will bless our band again

I see the glow of candles burning
Let's take a moment to consider them
The roaring crowd will soon be turning
A million thoughts to a different hymn
A song about a shepherd Jim
His body torn limb for limb...for limb.
Track Name: Riverboat Casino
I got sick on riverboat casino in East St. Louis
I think it was the pills I took mixing with the canned oxygen
Either that or the poor arch support that town is always known for
So I tried to get the barkeep to mix me up a Dr. Scholls and soda

He ended up tossing you a bar rag to wipe your unibrow
Yeah but nobody believes me
the man was such a sleaze
He ain't never gonna be the same.

I got 4 days left to wipe mi culo with this piece of legislation
I got 3 days left before they pull my frequent flyer priviligations
I got 2 days until my girl leaves me high and dry in a Speedo
I got 1 day left to keep it really really really really real.

I got caught stealing urinal cakes from the Bathroom of the Fallen
I ended up dropping one in my good friend's Tom Collins
I woke that morning with a brand spankin' new wave runner
But I dropped it off 4 years later to its sad rightful owner.

He ended up tossing you a bar rag to wipe your unibrow
Yeah but nobody believes me
the man was such a sleaze
He ain't never gonna be the same.

I got 4 days left to wipe mi culo with this piece of legislation
I got 3 days left before they pull my frequent flyer priviligations
I got 2 days until my girl leaves me high and dry in a Speedo
I got 1 day left to keep it really really really really real.
Track Name: See Ya Later Alligator
See ya later alligator
After while crocodile
Sayonara senorita
Hasta la vista Mr. Li!

Tip your ribbon clerks a dollar
Watch your Jenga tower topple
Pick your eyes out with a cracker
Flakka-lakka-lakka-lakaa

La-la-la....
Waaah....

Put a twinkle in your sparkle
And a feather in your parka
Get together warm and cozy
But don't forget to say "goodbye"

See ya later alligator
After while crocodile
Sayonara senorita
Hasta la vista Mr. Li!

La-la-la....
Waaah....

See ya later alligator
After while crocodile
Sayonara senorita
Hasta la vista Mr. Li!
Hasta la vista Mr. Li!
Hasta la vista Mr. Li!
Hasta la vista Mr. Li!
Track Name: How Do You Talk to a Lady?
How do you talk to a lady?
Make sure she's listening first.
Track Name: Keep Partying
Keep on partying. Party.
Keep on partying. Party.
Keep on partying. Party.
Keep on partying. Party.
Track Name: Your Boy Peter
Your boy Peter.
Track Name: Super Knopfler Radar
Chad put on the high beams,
Just in time for her scream.
It's a long road back,
So head on out to the wooden shack.
Track Name: You've Got a Friend in Jesus
There's a friend I found in Jesus
A friend from so long ago
He won't judge me or dismiss me
On the road to Jericho
Track Name: Cuddle Duds
Slip in to my Cuddle Duds, fuddle my duddle
Pick apart all the pieces of my heart
Soap up my puddle suds, piddle away your sorrows
Let's go on creaming corn for fun

Cuz there ain't nobody else that I can count on
And there ain't nobody else that I stand on
I've sung so many lies that I've got nothing else to lose
Except the Father, Son, and the Holy Farting Ghost

Tater tots and crooked cops
Hold a forum in Glabicki
Tried to make it count this time around
Fat man said to the dog
"I've gonna slip you a mickey"
"You'll find yourself in the lost and found"

(Chorus)
(Chorus)
Track Name: You're My Man
Today is yesterday's tomorrow
You were crying on the potty chair
I said "darling it must your pillow"
As you looked at me with that sleepy stare
Sleepless nights together in bed
Toss and turn I kicked the doggie in the head
Try to count sheep but all I count is Dracula
One in the morning come on...what rhymes with Dracula?

Cuz you're my man, my husband
You're the only one who can slap me around
Cuz you're my man, my husband
I can see in your face that pound for pound
You love me
You love me
You love me
Track Name: Puppy Mills
Picked out my dog
A beautiful Labradoodle-Ranian
From an Amish farm
Up in the hills of Pennsylvania
When I got home
I noticed there was something wrong with her
Ooze from her eyes
Her paws were all mangled-mania

Puppy mills, see the puppies in their cages
How it kills the hopes & dreams the puppy chases

Prisoners of greed
All you can hear is a distant bark
They need to be freed
To roam suburban lawns and doggie parks
Their lives were over before they got started
It's so absurd, it's so retarded (they should be free!)

(Chorus)

Cages and cages and cages and cages...